#wellbeingwednesday
How are you doing?
Things seem to be settling down… yet it all still feels a little surreal to me.
Perhaps it is a nice reminder we still need to check in and take care of ourselves. Perhaps even looking to how we balance all the dimensions of lives. Our WHOLE lives. All the dimensions matter!
I recommend talking a walk and having a little listen to this podcast episode with the brilliant Dr. John Arden. It provides a bit of understanding around the why of all the things we ‘know’ are good for us - but need a little motivation to get back on track.
Seriously though, enjoy with a walk. After all physical activity is one of those real goodies for all the dimensions of our wellbeing.
Warmly,
Kaitlin x
Chasing vs. Attracting | The Cinderella Story
I recently had a session with this wonderful, intuitive woman. She is wise and kind and has an etheric quality to her which can calm me down in an instant…Here are some wise words from her, for all of us who may be feeling a sense of disconnection and need or a yearning which feels out of our reach. You can learn more about her work here www.jenniferwillemsen.com
Do you ever notice that how you do one thing, is how you do most things?
When I look back at my love life, as well as my financial life (two areas of life who are very much intertwined), I notice a recurring pattern: oftentimes I was in a chasing vibration.
I was chasing a boy. I was chasing money.
First of all, the chasing vibration was "giving" me the direct opposite of what I desired (read: lack of love, lack of money).
This is because if you need to chase something, it means that you are focused on the absence of it. It's like you are saying to the Universe "I need this", which will make it less likely that you will actually attract it into your life experience.
But second and most importantly: it damaged my self-worth.
Funny... As an analogy, my True Self is showing me an image of Cinderella. In the movie, she's cleaning the floors, doing all kinds of below-her-worth chores for her unloving family...
...until she decides to wear her beautiful dress, step into her worth and take a chance!
Throughout her brave journey, she meets amazing people who believe in her and show her the way, and when she arrives at the ball, she is surrounded by eyes who truly value her.
She has always been meant for more, but she could only access this once she started to act in alignment with her worth.
You see, the way you "speak" to yourself is so important, and I'm not even talking about the conversations between you and your monkey mind here! I'm talking about what you do and how you behave, and the signals you send off to yourself with that behaviour.
Someone who knows her worth doesn't chase anyone or anything. Instead, she has fun executing on inspired action. She is magnetic. She simply attracts. ✨
Much love,
Jennifer
Yoga for Psychological Flexibility
It absolutely does not matter if you can touch your toes.
It matters if you can handle the challenges, the pain, that life throws at you.
How can you handle pain (without it turning into suffering)?
Well, through the cultivation of something called psychological flexibility.
Yoga, a practice we often think more of in terms of physical flexibility, is a brilliant tool to help you develop this mental skill.
The best person to learn this all from? Dr. Emily K. Sandoz. An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) expert, and regular yoga practice.
Emily started her practice with limited financial resources, 3 children, and 10 minutes a day that she found on a yoga mat at the foot of her bed.
Put your ear buds in, start doin’ the things (in my house this means dishes, tidying toes, and maybe… painting my nails). Perhaps by the end of this Wisdom for Wellbeing podcast episode you will find yourself rollin’ out your yoga mat. Or, simply doing a little mindful movement to check in with you.
Enjoy!
~Kaitlin Harkess
"I feel drained after being on Zoom all day" - Yes, that's normal, and here's why.
I teach a class every week for 2 hours at the University. It’s usually one of the highlights of my week - I leave the room feeling energised and alive. I enjoy the banter, the give and take, and conversation and the energy in the room.
I now teach the same class online. Afterward, I feel drained, exhausted, almost teary, especially if I’ve had multiple zoom meetings during the day. Same class, same content, same people - yet a completely different personal experience.
This is a completely normal response to moving from face to face interaction, to online. Village was founded on the very concepts presented below, by Dr. Fiona Kerr, Founder, and CEO at the NeuroTech Institute.
Our brain responds so differently to face to face connection. We are, of course, social beings. We are wired for it - it enriches our personal experience and sense of connection. I’ll let Dr. Kerr go into the nitty-gritty.
Now, what’s the point you may ask, of telling you this when you can’t do anything about it for now?
The point is, to let you know that it’s OK not to be 100% ok with our lives online. It’s ok to need and schedule fewer meetings during the day. And there are some ways you can combat the effects:
CONNECT more meaningfully with those you do have contact with. Lots of touch, and looking into the eyes of your family. Hug them more, talk about things and look at each other. Watch a movie holding hands. Whatever it is, do it mindfully. I know I know…You're probably ready to strangle them after being cooped up this long. This might help (connecting, not strangling :)
EARTH yourselves. After a day of Zoom I’m in the soil. Literally, I’m either weeding, planting or lying flat on my back on the grass. There is A LOT of info out there on earthing, and whether you’re a believer or not, we all know that getting into the open air, or into nature helps to heal us.
BATHE in salted water. Take the time to dim the lights, light a candle and soak in the tub. Pop some magnesium salt flakes in and let your body relax.
UNPLUG from devices overnight. Turn off the wi-fi overnight. Keep a journal by the bed. You will sleep better I promise you. This morning I woke up and did my meditation and Faith, 9, lying next to me asked if she could do one too! Miraculous if you know Faith… So we meditated together. Journal, draw and start the day with intentions.
There are lots of things you can do to recharge. I would love to hear some of your suggestions! I’m getting off the screen now…I have some seeds to plant :)
Creating a Space for Parents
Hi, Amelia here from My Soulful Space. Today I would love to show you how to create a little space for yourself. A space to sit and relax, to feel like you can take a breath, maybe even have 5 minutes to read an actual book or magazine (maybe :)
We all know that our environment can really affect our inner experience, which is then transferred to how we feel and act. Having a space to return to during the day that is calm and restful, even for 2 minutes a couple of times throughout the day, is vital to keep a positive frame of mind.
It doesn’t need to be a whole room, or be too fancy, but it is important to create a little retreat, especially if you are at home with your children for the majority of the day.
If you have a whole room that you can create as an adult space, great! But if your space is shared with your children, we can definitely work with that.
Creating your space:
choose a room or area of the house that you feel relaxed in and enjoy spending time in. I personally find it more relaxing to be in an area that I can still watch whats happening rather than be seperate and have to pop out to check on everyone. If your children are older you may be able to be further away. Its whatever works for you and your family :)
Tidy up all the toys in the space…either completely if it is an entire room dedicated to the adult space, or if it is a shared space, create a little toy nook so that your children’s toys/books are minimised. Grab a basket or nice box, a little rug and create your child a small area with toys that are relaxing and not noisy or annoying to have around, and that ideally do not require adult interaction (see my previous article on creating a beautiful play space for your children if you would like to know more) We only keep a basket of wooden blocks and some dolls and books near our parents nook, and keep the lego and other crafty/messy toys in another area.
Make sure there is a nice comfy couch, cushions, cozy blanket, lamp and side table for your cup of tea and book.
Enjoy this space. Take some time out and recharge. Just sit and breathe if you need to.
By doing this, although we may face some resistance at times, we are teaching our children by example about self care and the importance of slowing down and resting. And who knows, you may even get 5 minutes of peace as they take the time to rest or play quietly nearby (here’s hoping!)
Whatever you have in store today I hope it is a lovely day …I think its time go and pop the kettle on :)
Amelia x
Moving Through Anxiety To The ‘Mighty Me’ You Want To Be
This one is for the mummas. For the ladies.
Well, actually, it is for everyone, because we ALL get anxious.
But, it also is true that we women are significantly more likely to experience clinical levels of anxiety. We are also paid less than men for the same work, to do more domestic tasks, to be seen as less likeable when we are seen as confident (and vis-versa), are more likely to be sexually harassed… and so on.
So, it is no wonder we feel anxious.
Interested in learning some skills to help you be the Mighty Mumma we know you are?!
Have a listen to this Wisdom for Wellbeing podcast interview with Clinical Psychologist Dr. Jill Stoddard. Dr. Stoddard is skilled in explaining stress, anxiety, fear and the like, as well as detailing effective strategies to move forward creating a life by design – a mighty life. She is open in sharing her own struggles, and clearly lives all the wisdom she shares here today.
So, your first mighty action – put in those ear buds!
Until soon,
Kaitlin xx
www.embodiedpsychology.com.au | www.wisdomforwellbeingpodcast.com
You are Alive for a Reason
"It's 'relationship' that is missing. It's the heart that is missing."
I recently posted very openly on Facebook, as I have vowed to do, about the struggles of being home and working with children. (I also share the good times). And what I find by doing this, is this:
People open up. People share. People call me to either check-in or to check out, blurt out, vent and purge. People feel connected and give themselves permission to be vulnerable, fearful and less than perfect because it's already out there, being said. So often we hold back for fear of looking weak. I have spoken to countless leaders in large corporate organisations who have seen this at work - brave leaders sharing those parts of themselves - and its been the turning point for many.
My recent paper in Health Psychology discusses the critical need for emotional support through connection and authenticity with real people. It's a gift you can give that will inspire and move someone else, and in turn, positively effect their loved ones in the short and long term.
This moving video from which the quotes above are sourced, is well worth the watch, now more than ever. We have everything we need to be the good in someone's life.
A practical guide to get your baby to take a bottle
Ask me a question!
Given that I spend my life around other Mums, it’s not surprising that as soon as people find out what I do for a job, they inevitably have a question for me. Today’s question was one that I have answered time and time again, and given our soaring temperatures here at the moment, I suspect it’s something on a lot of parent’s minds. So I thought I’d share my answer with you all and extend the offer for you to ask me anything! If you’ve got a burning question, pop it in the comments section below, send us a message on Instagram or FaceBook or just drop us a line over email.
Anyway, onto today’s question which was “ My baby is 10 months old, she’s only ever been breastfed and isn’t taking much water. I’m worried she’s not getting enough fluids, especially in the heat”.
On Further questioning Mum said she had introduced water around 6 months of age but noticed that her baby drank very little of it. Mum had also tried (multiple times!) to get her baby to take either expressed breast milk or formula from a bottle but she had always outright refused. The baby was still breastfeeding 3 times a day and taking about 1/2 a sippy cup of water throughout the day.
It’s perfectly normal for babies to take very little extra fluid beyond what is offered via either breastmilk or formula. Baby’s first foods (be they pureed or mashed) have a high fluid content and this combined with the fluid they are naturally getting from breastmilk or formula will be enough for most babies. I always recommend introducing water from around 6 months (or the time that you introduce solids), but I wouldn’t expect a baby to get through more than about 1/4 of a sippy cup a day until they are 9 - 10 months old. As they start moving onto more solid food (and the fluid content of their meals drops and they also start reducing their breast or formula feeds), their intake of water will naturally increase. Most 12 months old babies will be taking close to a sippy cup (i.e around 250ml) of water across the whole day. If your baby is taking less and you’re concerned, check their nappies. If they’re wet enough that you need to change them several times per day and they are also passing regular bowel motions, then that’s generally a sign that your baby is getting enough fluid. Their lips should also appear moist, not dry and cracked.
My top tips for encouraging babies to drink water include: persistence - don’t give up just because you think they aren’t drinking much. Many parents panic and start to introduce dilute juice as a way of tempting babies to drink. This only leads to the expectation that beverages should be sweet, and usually in my experience, further exacerbates the problem. Your baby will most likely to be thirsty immediately after eating, so always have water available at the end (or during) every meal or snack that is offered. Many babies are also thirsty when they wake from sleep. If you’re not going to be offering them a breastfed or formula, it’s a good time to try some water. It’s worth remembering that breastfed babies under 6 months of age don’t need any extra fluid, just feed them on demand. Formula fed babies may be offered some cooled boiled tap water if they seem thirstier than usual (eg on a hot day). All babies can be offered tap water from 6 months of age. You may like to first offer water in a baby bottle, but I would suggest moving him or her onto a sippy cup after a few months (we like the Tommy Tippee range of adapters for baby bottles here: https://www.tommeetippee.com.au/product/weaning/cups). These are good all rounder cups/bottles if your baby is breastfed.
There are a large variety of sippy style cups on the market and the drinking style needed will vary from brand to brand. For example, some sippy cups require more of a “bite” to get water out style, others require sucking from a straw (generally babies won’t be ready for this until closer to 9 months) and others will require a suck somewhat similar to breastfeeding. Some come with valves to regulate the flow and others the water will simply pour straight out. If you’re really confused about cups and have a baby who’s really reluctant to take one, I would suggest consulting a paediatric speech pathologist who specialises in infant feeding. Another option would be to try an open cup but this will obviously be messy!
So my advice to this Mum today? Her baby was getting enough fluid and she just needed to hang in there offering water regularly as per my recommendations above. I had a feeling he was probably about to take off on the water as Mum was actively reducing breastfeeds, and his diet was expanding considerably. The other thing that’s worth remembering is that babies do have the ability to regulate their own thirst so long as the water is being offered regularly. It’s only in rare circumstances that babies won’t do this, usually as the result of a medical condition, or infants with extreme feeding disorders and food refusal. These babies are special cases that warrant individual assessment and advice.
Text by Julia
This is not a sponsored endorsement
Big Emotions Happening this Week?
We’re all spending a lot more time together in a small space.
Everything feels ‘different’, uncertain and scary.
Of course, this means that we may be experiencing bigger emotions… and our small people might be experiencing bigger emotions. Eek!
But, rather than this being the perfect mess, it could be a brilliant opportunity to teach your little ones how to feel the feels. And, it could be a chance to practice asking for the support you need from different people in your life to get through this challenging time.
Interested in how you can get more comfortable with the uncomfortable?!
Have a listen to this Wisdom for Wellbeing interview with the brilliant psychologist Tiffany Rochester.
Wishing you and yours well.
~Kaitlin Harkess
Zoom not cutting it?
Its perfectly normal for you to be missing REAL face to face connection. We are energised by it, fulfilled by it. Whilst we are blessed to live in an age where we can move work home, stay in the online book club, and FaceTime with loved ones, the increase in screen time has us now more than ever in need of REAL connection - (with our loved ones at home of course #stayhome).
Simplest Breathing Practice for Calming
Hi I’m Shawna and I’m a spiritual mentor. During this current health crisis we’re left facing so much uncertainty. It’s easy to go into survival mode and when we do our breath becomes shallow. You probably don’t realize it, but your breath is a simple, yet powerful tool. It’s free and it’s literally right under your nose.
Your breath is your link to life and when life is feeling out of your control it’s one of the fastest ways you can regain some (internal) control.
There’s so much research that shows how effective belly breathing is. However, there's a mistake you may make trying to 'belly breathe.’ Don’t worry because I've got a tip for you!
This breath will help you stay calm, centered + focused and it'll bring more ease into your life.
Give it a go and see if you can keep it going while I continue to tell you the benefits.
Let's get this Cardio Party Started
Crank up some Spotify Tunes and let’s get your body moving today
This is a great little workout to get the heart rate pumping
4 Exercises 10 times and repeat as much as you can
Warm Up
Marching on the Spot
High Knee Jog on the Spot
Butt Kicks
Exercises do 10 repetitions and repeat as many times as you can
Squats - with our without arms, my ultimate favorite exercise, remember to clench the butt and tip the hips as you come up
Mountain Climbers - pump those knees to your chest and really work that body
Lunges - 5 each side, remember to keep your body in line and keep the weight in the ball of your back foot
Knee Repeaters - 10 each side, work those arms too
How many sets of these exercises can you do?
It's Podcast Time! Connecting Through Motherhood Struggles & Creating Your Village with Tiffany De Sousa Machado
#WellbeingWednesday
Wellbeing is a term I really appreciate. It captures something broader then Mental Health - it reflects the biopsychosocial elements that, when aligned, support us in our thriving. I do believe we all have the capacity to thrive, to cultivate rich wellbeing in our lives.
However, as you probably know, motherhood is a particularly challenging season. With many joys, but many struggles. So, I wanted to share this Wisdom for Wellbeing podcast interview with The Village Foundation founder Tiffany De Sousa Machado.
This episode is going to resonate with all the mumma’s out there, but I think it will hit home more broadly in the discussion around the importance of community and exploration of how we can create this in our modern world (*update: and now, our socially distanced world!). You will, no doubt, feel connected to Tiffany as she transparently shares her own losses and challenges, including her lived experience with postpartum depression, and her struggles balancing her work and family. Tiffany also shares sociological reflections, which offer a useful framework from which to understand the all-to-common experience of postpartum stress and isolation.
I hope you find Tiffany’s wisdom as validating and connecting as I did. It is certainly important to know that ‘wisdom’ is sometimes simply recognising we don’t know it all - and we are not supposed to have it ‘all figured out’. I think this is a particularly important message in these uncertain times of COVID19, where we are all just doing our best to figure it out, stay safe, and support our community.
Wishing you and yours well,
Kaitlin xx
www.embodiedpsychology.com.au / www.drkaitlin.com
Wisdom for Wellbeing Podcast - Season 1 - Episode 6
Like A Tree
In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful. - Alice Walker
Another day of the @capturinggratitude project - and my sister @summitjewellery is visiting. We had a beautiful lunch @cherrydarlingsbakehouse, which we ate outside in the beautiful sunshine (it was our first stop after the airport... as it is every time she visits!) I love spending time with her - as we get to let out true weird sides shine.
In addition to being so grateful to have such a wonderful family and special sister, I feel so grateful to have soaked up family time in the sun and to have reflected on one of the lessons of nature today. Namely, the beauty that exists in imperfection - and the reminder to show up. How empowering to show up as oneself - raw, imperfect, and in that, absolutely brilliant.
So, today - embrace your natural brilliance. Be like a tree!
Photo credit to the multi-talented and lovely @blackspruce_woodworking.
Text by Kaitlin
Joy To Be Found
Plants give us oxygen for the lungs and for the soul. - Linda Solegato
This was yesterday’s moment of gratitude. (I’m practising @capturinggratitude this week): sitting with a cup of tea, noticing the light streaming through the window, illuminating the outdoors in green and, what turns out to be a beautiful table of homage to our darling cat, Cashew (and the biggest gratitude to the amazing painting and sketch by @gracedrawsdogs @gracemackayart and the photo by @elisedphoto - check out these talented ladies Adelaide).
What I’m enjoying most about #capturinggratitude is taking the time to deliberately reflect on, and celebrate, what might seem like simple moments - because, it seems there is so much joy to be found.
I’ll share today’s moment in my stories I think... but let me say, it’s a beautiful day! Have a think, what are you grateful for today?
Text by Dr Kaitlin Harkess
You will not always have the crayon colours you want...
Once upon a time, there was a 5-year-old girl who on the first day at school was asked to choose her favourite colour from a box of crayons and write her name. The girl looked at the colours and stood still with her hands at the back despite being asked a few times. At the end of the day when the teacher asked her how come she had chosen a colour to write her name, the child replied "ma'am, the box did not have my favourite colour"
How many times do we feel immobilized because the choice we had in mind was just not available to us, at least not at the time we wanted. Is progress halted when acceptance for the desired job is denied, when enrollment in a required class is closed, when that dream date does not progress or a relationship breaks down? At the time the answer to the question can feel like a resounding Yes!
Are we ever, due to reasons hard to understand or beyond our control, faced with a set of circumstance that we did not have in mind for ourselves? In other words, what happens when we look in the box and the pink crayon just isn't there? It is so easy to lock our knees, lock our hands behind our back and do nothing. But to do so would defy the very reason we are placed here on the earth.
As challenging they may be to accept, stumbling blocks are essential to our progression and growth. At the time you may not always know why things have turned out the way they have but when you look back and join the dots, it usually all makes sense. I am sure you have examples of your own that testify this fact. If you are on this mailing list, you are up to something other than the ordinary and likely have been pushed in directions not foreseen.
For me it was the breakdown of my relationship and the time and that I was away from the then 4-year-old daughter. I would have certainly not chosen those colours from my box of choices but had to pull my life together with the colours that were there. My choice would have been to not experience what was given me to do, yet each day is filled with deeper meaning, new insights and more clarity on helping create a world where children grow up joyful, feeling loved and with self-belief. If I was given the choice to take the challenges away, I would say Yes to that in a heartbeat but I would not want to be denied the insights that have come with it. Always having our first choice may mean giving up unknown benefits.
Emerson said "for everything you have missed, you have gained something else"
To remain focused, the see the end from the beginning will become tough from time to time. Taking the small steps each day and following a grounded daily routine goes a long way - how you start your day and how you end it and who you surround yourselves with. At times, you may need to pivot, take a different path temporarily. This will be unique to each person and their unique set of circumstances. But wherever you are and whatever you are doing, small steps taken consistently usually yield great results.
You may not have all the colours of the crayons you want, but do have all the colours that you need!
P.S. This note is inspired by a video I recently saw.
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Text by Puneet Sachdev
”I coach interesting people out there making an impact and a difference. I support my clients increase their income and impact is by working One to One with them to help them get clear on their highest leverage areas. We build the vision of their desired lifestyle and then work on their strategy, mindset, skillset, environment to get the best results. Giving back is another foundational practice I usually suggest.”
More information about Puneet and his portfolio: here
Capturing Gratitude
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. - Ashley Smith
Gratitude. Getting out to the park and watching the joy flow. The simple pleasure of watching wonder unfold as the sun shines. I know I always feel better after I’ve been outside. It soothes me - particularly if I take off my shoes and truly connect to the earth. I hope with all my heart that Charlie will be able to do the same as the years go on. It should not really be a fight... but I’m grateful that we are waking up and standing up for our Mother Earth. Thank you @capturinggratitude project for shining light on this cause.
What will you do for your soul this week? If you’re anything like me, I recommend kicking off those shoes and grounding down to the magic of our planet.
Text by Kaitlin
Be Yourself
The human being who does not wish to belong to the mass must merely cease being comfortable with himself; let him follow his conscience which shouts at him: 'Be yourself! What you are at present doing, opining, and desiring, that is not really you. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Eek! Being oneself is hard work. It’s so vulnerable to open and expose the depth of our being...which is not always aligned with the ‘status quo’. It makes sense in evolutionary terms - we would not survive out on our own, we needed the tribe for protection. So, to have been ‘outcast’ was death - and hence the emotion of shame is SO UNCOMFORTABLE (it evolved to make sure we did not step out of line from the tribe). The trouble is, sometimes (depending on our tribe) there is a disconnect with our own truth in favour of this ‘keeping up appearances’ - it certainly does not feed one’s soul.
SOME OPTIONS
Develop a new tribe that feels in more alignment with you, or where you feel safer to express yourself.
Find unique ways to honour your history and nurture all parts of yourself.
Practice making peace with those shame feelings, with being vulnerable - be it through reflective practices like meditation and journaling, or with the support of a safe friend or therapist.
Remember: all these emotions, the big feels that often hold one back, they are HUMAN - everyone feels them, even if the triggers are sometimes unique.
So, the challenge is, figure out what you need to grow. What requirements do you have at this moment? Go as slow as you need, remember, there is no finish line we are racing to - the magic is in the movement.
Beautiful art by @howamifeelingg
Text by Kaitlin
International Day of Peace
This week we celebrated ‘The International Day of Peace’. Ahhh Peace…a concept many parents feel they will never have again. Whether it’s because of screaming babies, nagging toddlers, and the company we now have every time we use the bathroom, or because our teenagers are online, out all night or learning to drive, peace, seems much like an out of reach concept.
Regardless of what we do or how old our children are, once we are parents our minds are always split - work (+children), rest (+children), play (+children). It can be tough to focus and let go of anxiety, often fearing the worst when we aren’t with them.
Whilst I can’t imagine the worry ever ends, I do find that talking about it helps. Just knowing it’s normal and that I am not alone always seems to take away the intensity.
My Top Three Suggestions for finding peace:
Find even 10 minutes a day, when you know the kids are safe or with someone you trust, to sit alone, without your phone or computer and just have a cup of tea. Preferably in nature or looking outside into nature. On the back step, at the window…wherever.
Trust, that where you are is exactly where you are supposed to be, for now. Trust in something greater than yourself. Have faith, deep breathe.
Unload. Share your fears with someone you trust. Or, write them down. Get them out of your head.
This week, I encourage you to share your experiences of losing peace and finding peace. Mentors, what are the ways you manage to find peace in your day? New parents, where do you need it most?
Have a wonderfully peaceful week.
Tiffany