All or nothing….
Well if there is one thing that COVID-19 has taught me; it is to let go of some serious programming.
I am “all or nothing”. No in between. Not even a tiny bit. How does that even work with kids? Well it means I either do things to the extreme and perfect, or just not at all. I have fear of starting anything, and I pressure myself to finish everything.
But along came COVID-19. And all or nothing just didn’t seem to work.
I tried. I failed. We were all miserable. So, I tried something different.
And never in a million years, or maybe 40 years, did I Fiona, think I was capable of it.
In between, halfway, sometimes, mostly, maybe, tiny bits, here and there became my new vocabulary.
I let go of “all or nothing” …and tried to just allow myself to be somewhere in the middle.
And then some magic happened.
Here are some examples, and maybe they can inspire some letting go of either a huge need to be all and perfect, or nothing at all, and feeling like a failure.
Exercise – if its not 5 days a week… why bother? If its not a marathon… don’t even, consider it.
If its not 100kg deadlifts… I’m not part of it…
COVID 19 – gyms are closed. Now what?
And then I realised that 7 days a week of nothing, wasn’t working either.
And I recognized I was going to need something for myself, my mental health, fresh air, and escapism.
After series of excuses and complaining I had no time, and how could I leave the kids, blah blah
I committed to somewhere in between. What? Yes I did.
5kms a day.
That’s it. 5kms at a minimum… on my bike or walking. Without kids as a preference, with kids if needed.
And guess what? The lack of pressure on myself means I have committed to this now 14 days straight.
Another example is my bread maker. How could I open it and make bread. No, it had to be special, gluten free, organic, non GMO , this, that, the other. A perfect bread.
But no, it didn’t need to be.
Regular bread mix got me started. I succeeded. It was amazing. The kids loved it. Was it perfect? No.
But it wasn’t nothing. And it was somewhere in between and that’s all that matters.
And now the confidence has meant it gets used. Its happening. And we are bread making.
There are so many more examples of the magic that can happen when we let go of needing perfection and just being happy with maybe it all sitting in the messy middle.
I read books again. They may not be the hard ones I want to read. But they are in the middle. And I am reading every day.
I do puzzles. Again, it sits there. And a piece here and there is placed into its spot. No pressure.
No all or nothing. Just in between.
The house isn’t a display home. Its messy. But everyday instead of doing it all or doing nothing, I choose a couple of tasks to do.
One load of washing. One box of packing. One room to tidy.
Just something.
If I don’t finish a task. Its OK. I don’t stay up to midnight with worry, staring at it and loathing that if it’s not all done, then I’m done.
COVID-19 may make some people shine, some shudder, some shrink.
But it taught me to share, hopefully inspire, and to be happy with the somewhere in the middle.
Wearing something warm and bright, has inspired me even more to ride in the darker colder weather.
Our fantastically imperfect bread.
A $59 table from Target is the perfect puzzle table. It means I can leave it for days and not worry about the mess.
Easy reading. A great series to get back into reading again.